Wednesday, October 28, 2009

seasonal essentials (or, feeding the fashion dragon)

OK, this Ironman training thing is just about eating my lunch, but there is a light at the end of the crazy tunnel.

The good news is, the build is over. Ironman "build" is that part where you do crazy training weekends where you run for like 4 hours on Saturday, and then bike for 6 hours and run for 1, on a Sunday. Yah, I know -- who does that?! Toward the end of the training cycle, Ironman training is like taking on a part-time job. Although it sounds really impressive, you just can't judge the whole Ironman training by the crazy weekends during the build thing. That's just one insane month. All the other months are well into the realm of sanity. As I say, the hard part is over. The training is in the bank.

The bad news is, the race is November 7th and I am nervous. As usual. I'm trying not to think about it.

Between training for an Ironman, raising kids, and working a full time job, I've been a very busy girl. I've barely had time to shop.

Ok, that's only kind of a lie. You know I like my online shopping. I do. Nonetheless, the fall season snuck up on me while I was busy doing my weekends of insanity, and I feel like I'm missing out. What I really really want, now that it's taper time, is to fill in my wardrobe with a few fall/winter essentials.

So - here's a partial list of stuff I feel I may not make it through fall/winter without. . .

BCBG textured tube skirt - this is the cheapest bit of Herve Leger I might ever get to own. I need to go try one on to confirm what I already suspect, which is that skirt will hide all flaws, either real or implied. Moi tells me she tried it on and it really does what it looks like it does. Oh, Mama, I needs me one of those! Plus, with the over-the-knee boots, and some tights -- can you see it? CAN YOU?? I can!

Ankle Booties - or "Shooties." Stupid name, cute shoe. I'm liking the shape of these here jCrew ones, and the suede is great for pairing with a lot of styles. Perusing the Style Bible of the jCrew Catalog, you can see they pair this shoe style with short skirts (like BCBG does, see above), cropped pants, skinny jeans, pretty much anything.

Ankle Socks. I'm loving the way jCrew is matching bright colored ankle socks up to some cute shoes and the rest of the jCrew "uniform" (which consists of jeans, cardi or jacket, vintage t-shirt). They are making the ankle sock work with heels, strappy shoes, and shooties. It may also help with my less-than-awesomely-fitting Vivs. I curse and love you, jCrew, for your stupid punch of color (tm). Socks! So simple! Just perusing the 'hosiery' page on jCrew's website I get a TON of cute ideas on what to do with socks.

A ruffley top. This can be paired with above jCrew uniform (cardi, jeans, shooties, etc.), and can be done either as a neutral or in a bright color. Are you starting to see a theme here?

Pencil cords - I have plenty of denim and plenty of black. I need some texture. I need something not denim, and not dressy. Cords are nice - they're warmer. They are making them in stretchy fabric, in the same longer leaner lines that they do denim. They're like leggings with more bite.

Speaking of, I need me some more of these:

Leggings. With sweaters, boots, shooties, whatevs - it's definitely the done look this year. I need say nothing more.

My last but not least essential piece,

A very very sheer turtleneck. The versatility of this piece is astonishing. Due to the sheer sheerness of it, there is no way on the planet it can be worn on its own...but under jackets, short sleeve sweaters, BALLGOWNS? Yes, it can (and will) be done.

One more week, and then I can get back to shopping like a normal person. Hopefully by then, everything will be on sale.

So, tell the bitches: what's on your list of essentials for this season?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

If Eve Had Worn High Heels

(Clicky for super duper sized!)

And hadn't been made instead to run around barefoot and then ruin her instep by giving birth to two full grown frat brats, she might have worn these shoes.

As for myself, well, they do boast a certain juh nay say Moi: A fabulous apple green color, a snakeskiny/alligatoresque print, a 4" heel bolstered by a 1" platform, and a delicate strap around the ankle.

On the other hand: they're, well, really, really, really GREEN.

No, I did not purchase them myself. A friend of mine did, someone just as shoe obsessed as we are, proving the maxim that we are not the only gals left in the universe who let loose of our marbles at the sight of a t-strap peep toe.

Said friend fixated on this pair of Vince Camuto shoes when they first showed up at Dillard's last spring. However, because she is also a Frugal Fashionista, she knew paying full retail price in this case was a major no-no (FF's don't pay retail for novelty items, as Pirate likes to call them – we only pay retail for "Oh my God, I have to have this now and if I do I'll wear it forever!" items, i.e. those in which the price-to-wear ratio comes in at around a bazillion, or whatever the proper math is in this case.) So, my friend practiced her Fashion Zen technique of NOT THINKING about the shoes for two whole months until the inevitable 75 percent off sale at Dillard's, during which time she correctly predicted that they would go on sale.

Which they did. Only not in her size. She is a 7.5, and all they had left was an 8.5. But at such a deep discount, she figured somehow, some way, she would make them work (Another tar pit trap we FFs sometimes fall into is the mistaken notion that the not-quite-perfect object of our desire will somehow miraculously become perfect by the time we get home, just because we wish it so.)

Naturally, these shoes did not somehow magically shrink down a whole size, but with the judicious use of some tissue paper and intestinal fortitude, she MacGyvered the Cavutos enough to make them fit for a one-time-only use. After which event, she realized she was off her rocker and passed them along to me, a solid 8.5.

And now, I must decide: wear 'em or sell 'em?

What think you all?

Should the Camutos stay or should they go?
Go: It ain't easy being green.
Stay: Eve would be so proud!
Unsure: I'm too busy laughing. And barfing. free polls

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


PIRATE: I think it's time we share our obsession with the whole world, don't you think?

MOI: Yes, I agree. Thigh high boots, Party People. They're a big deal.

PIRATE: The fashion internets are atwitter with giggles of derision and gasps of excitement on this whole over-the knee boot thing. The boots, it seems, are like the vegemite of fashion – they are to be loved or despised. Like the plastic shoes.

You would think, being a pirate and all, that I would already own a pair. Alas, I do not. I would have owned some circa 1990, but was neither brave enough nor lived in the right town to pull such a look off. These days it seems that all the cool kids are doing it.

OMG Anne Hathaway looks super in that getup!!

So why have I not already jumped on the bandwagon? Jumped in with both feet, taken the bull by the horns, etc. etc.?

Well, this one I approach with caution for several reasons . . .

1) I live in a place that is a leetle bit behind the curve, fashion wise. People out here don't "dress" the way they might in a big city. That's not to say that I live in a city entirely populated by fashion schlumps (I do keep company with the likes of Moi), but it's not far off. Standards out here trend to a more rural sensibility.

2) I believe one must approach a trendy fashion like this with a certain trepidation. This one can be easily overdone. Let's face it: if I go too far into the costume realm, I will get stares, I will get comments. They might not be positive. As Lubov Azria says, fashion is all about confidence. I feel I need to be very confident to carry these off.

3) These damned boots are expensive! I'm willing to go into debt a certain amount for a fashion certainty, but these are decidedly trendy.

4) The look, if not done correctly, can tip the scales into Happy Hooker territory faster than you can say Xaveira Hollander Does Europe.

MOI: In that way that Pirate and I get when we obsess on something, we literally spent the entire week researching these puppies. We flung emails back and forth to each other like heads of state staving off a rebellion. We dug into the deepest annals of fashion blogs to investigate photos, checked a gazillion review sites, and viewed with eagle eyes videos showing our beloved thigh highs in mobile action. We discussed the merits of patent versus suede, flat versus heeled, black versus dove grey and every color in between.

Some would say we are obsessive. We, on the other hand merely say we are thorough. And, ladies, we're doing it for those of you who can't or won't do it for yourselves.

Therefore, we hereby bring you, the over-the-knee boots upon which we have settled.

Le Pirate, she is narrowing in on:

Le Moi, in turn, has just ordered these babies.

Only in a soft dove grey color called "Grigio." Le sigh. I just love it when designers speak the language of love.

Laugh if you will, folks. But we intend to rock these like a hurricane (or at the very least a small dust devil) for the entire season. We will report back. Oh yes, we will.

Friday, October 9, 2009

fashion horror show


This is so bad it earns its own post. I don't even know what to say . . .

But I'll try.

Uh, ladies? Really. Do not try this at home. No matter how big you think your ass is, pants that wink at people as you walk by is not going to make it less big.

In fact, it does the opposite.


No. Nyet. Nein. Nej tack. Nee. Tla. Ndak. Mhai. Non. Nei. And, finally: hell no, not on your life, a bet, or a lifetime supply of puffy cheetos.

Monday, October 5, 2009

You Ain't No Punk, You Punk

Recently, I commented on a post on War of the Nuts about how lucky ducky I am not to have an ounce of craftiness in my body, or I'd buy one of those Ronco studding thing-a-ma-jigs and bling up everything in my closet until 1983 called and demanded its attitude back.

Seriously. I loves me some studded.

In belts:

Around the wrist:

On a handbag:

And, of course, on shoes:

But on tights?

I don't know if the look says Max Mad so much as it does Skin Rash Contracted Somewhere in Southeast Asia. Or perhaps these are something blind people might wear during S&M play. "Read my legs: The Safe Word is Rapunzel."

These are kind of sweet and interesting, but again, maybe more Lord of the Rings rather than Lord & Taylor.

Alrighty, then, Pirate. You got magpie tendencies. What do you think? Then we'll open it up to the readers to lend their 2 cent's worth.

Pirate sayeth:

There lives in me (not too deeply buried) a punk rocker chick. She likes shiny, she likes hard, and she likes all icons of bad-assery. Like safety pins in the ears. Like shredded jeans. Like leather jackets . . .


In short, I too am a stud whore. I too loves me some studs. I grew up in the Studly Period of the fashion history time line. I can remember a time when I coveted a jacket that looked not unlike this:

It's good to see that my favourite icon has come back - or did it ever really die?

I have felt that in the post-70's and 80's, many a fashion house has appropriated my motorcycle chic for use in clothing to be purchased by old ladies. Perhaps it is my inner punk who feels this is Just Wrong for the "movement." Whatever. In my dotage I'm less inclined to dis someone else's overpriced handbag, in general. I'm a peaceful punk rocker these days.

. . . and that, my dear, is where my love of studs begins and ends, for I am a stud purist. I say belts, jackets, bracelets (by Gods yes, on a bracelet!), shoes (HELLS yes) and your dog's collar. Back in the day I was known to wear a dog collar with studs, but I have grown up now, and put my studs in more tasteful places and in smaller doses. Past that, I am inclined to say Nein to studs. Especially on hosiery -- how the hell do you wash those?! Also, it looks less like bad ass and more like bad skin to me. Not attractive.

I think the last pair of hoses look more like the new trend of "tattoo" fashion. To my mind, they look nothing like a tattoo, but the idea and the pattern is meant to bring body art to mind. The asymmetry is meant to inspire the eye. Again, it feels like a mis-appropriation of something cool, somehow. As if one may see it at Wal-Mart very soon.